Ranternet.

Where the clever angry funny people are.

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Well done for finding this site. Ranternet is a forum for the annoyed or the observant, or both, of course. We're going to post ideas, thoughts and, well, stuff. You can reply or post your own points here too.

Although we're annoyed by lots of things, we want this site to be funny. After all, you've got to laugh, haven't you? If not, the stress builds and something pops audibly in your head and you die, unable to speak or call an ambulance.

So it's going to be funny and relevant. If it's not funny, it's relevant and if it's not relevant it better be funny or it can fuck off.

Oh, and there might be some swearing, too.

DISCLAIMER

It could get nasty.

How come all the asylum seekers want to get to Britain? And when they arrive, why do they head for London? If I was fleeing the teeth-grinding crapness of Eastern Europe I’d head to the Cornwall just stay there. And if they pretend to be French they could probably get temporary jobs shooting garden birds by the sackful or riding those mini moto-type bikes with no helmets.

Come to think of it, why do kids who run away from home because their parents asked them to switch off their multi-media DVD home entertainment centres at 3am on weeknights, always go to London? Why don’t they head to Cornwall, where it’s pleasant, and their ragged clothes and unkempt head will blend in seamlessly with the locals. Also, there’s less likelihood of being raped and killed in Cornwall. Carry a small electric torch and use it to frighten off the locals if they advance on you, their chimpy erections poking out of their sack-like trousers.

Old people. Don’t live somewhere shit. Go to Cornwall. The sea air will do you good and the warmth will prevent you from being lugged out of your flat as rigid as a shop dummy as the first hint winter arrives. And when you notice that most of the cars Cornish people drive are actually older than you are it might cheer you up. Also, it’s surrounded on three sides by sea, so even the most bewildered grave-defier can’t get lost and there are no motorways for dribbling Reaper-duckers to drive up the wrong side of.

A copy of this article is available in large print and on special repetitive shouting cassettes.